It is maybe 15 years ago that I joined my first women’s group.
To be honest, it was a horrible experience.
The one organizing it was not able to hold space, so there was a lot of projection and drama.
I felt so put off and went home with more pain than healing.
It took me a long time to join a women’s group again.
Two years ago I felt called to join a Sacred Women Group at the Gewijde Reis and it was a real healing experience.
Last week I felt called again and joined Camilla Ravindran for a Re – awakening of the Goddess.
And again it was a healing experience.
Over the years I have learned that to fully blossom within ourselves takes courage.
We all have learned at an early age to abandon ourselves and by doing that we abandoned our inner wisdom and our ability to deeply love.
I knew back then that that women’s group was not right for me, but I didn’t listen to myself.
So I hurt myself by going there.
During the days with Camilla we did a meditation and connected with the first one who withheld his or her love from us. For me that was my father.
The assignment was to write a letter and express whatever needed to be expressed.
When I started the letter I could not feel any words coming up, so I didn’t write it.
I had done practices like that before and now I deeply felt it is not about him anymore, not about my mother, my partner or anybody else.
It is not about the other validating me or needing to give me a place in this world.
It is all about myself, about the self judgement that I have practiced for so long for not fully taking up my own space, for giving others authority. For leaving myself over and over again.
And we leave ourselves because we still feel we gain something from doing so.
It is not true. It is the opposite, we keep hurting ourselves.
We need to heal that inner wound that separates us from ourselves.
It has been a long journey to come home to my Self.
I feel truly called to share my wisdom and love with others.
To be continued…..my invitation will follow.
With all my heart.