I come as One, I stand as 10.000.
As the last woman in my female lineage I am the one who closes the circle.
Conscious of this special position, today on Mothers day, I once more bow deeply for my dear Mother, grandmother, great grandmother and all those beautiful women who came before me.
In December 2015 just before Christmas my Mum transitioned.
Since that day she travels with me. For me with a smile and sometimes still a tear.
I feel her presence but I miss her in my day to day life.
Always that double feeling between the visible and the invisible world.
Inspiration for growth.
The relationship with my Mum, like so many mother and daughter relationships, has been a source of tremendous growth.
From fighting each other and being in harmony, from not understanding each other and simply being there for one another.
A bigger mirror than the mother / daughter relationship does not exist.
There is little that touches so deeply as this primal connection.
My relationship with her has not always been easy, but at a certain stage our relationship changed.
Through all kinds of events I felt called to go on an inner journey.
During that journey I received a lot of insight about my relationship with my Mum.
Slowly but surely I learned to meet her from a different perspective than the perspective of the hurt inner child.
The hurt child that wanted to receive something from her mother that she had never received.
Not that my Mum didn’t want to give it, but simply because she couldn’t.
Her generation, her life was different.
We didn’t have a bad relationship, I just had a different need and longing.
I learned to see her in her Essence and not how I wanted her to be.
I learned to look at the world with different eyes.
One of the big pitfalls we have in relationships is that we want others to be who we need them to be to fill a gap inside ourselves.
I started to feel a deep greatfulness for everything she had given me.
I wrote her a letter and shared this with her.
It was beautiful to see how it touched her and since that time our relationship changed.
We have been able to enjoy that for many years.
During her transition and the days after that her Love was so strong and so tangible.
The portal of Love that opens when the personality disappears and the Soul shows herself in full glory is truly amazing.
Again I was touched in the deep knowing that we are One and we are Love.
The personality / ego puts a veil over this knowing and we stop experiencing it for a long time.
Soul love – not all just roses and sunshine.
I felt how much love there is on a Soul level between people who are having deep connections with each other, who play an important role in our lives.
It is easy when that relationship is easy going and happy.
How silly it may sound , this Love is also present when our relationships are a big and painful challenge.
For the ego that is hard to accept, but these relationships are Soul contracts.
Our ego is inclined to put up a fight, to try getting what it thinks it needs.
It can not look beyond what it sees and has a deep shortage consciousness.
Our Soul has a bigger perspective and plan.
The relationships we have with others, even when they are very painful, have a bigger purpose.
They always bring us something our Soul wants to heal or experience, but for the ego this can be dramatic.
Our life is a story in which we all play a part.
I come as One, I stand as 10.000
The physical me misses her, her touch, the sitting together in silence.
I don’t have children and with me the female lineage stops. I will close that circle.
All the inner work of the last years have served a purpose.
I feel truly supported by a field of Love created by all those women who came before me.
That feels huge and makes me go silent. They create a loving presence and they are with me with every step I take.
I don’t have to do it alone anymore.
Dearest Mum, thank you so much. I love you deeply to the stars and back.