She is not a stranger and I had not forgotten her.
But I wasn’t aware that so deep inside of me she still has a big influence on my life.
She will continue to show up until I have fully embraced her in my heart.Not being heard and not feeling seen.
Getting approval when I did something right
Feeling your pain when in your eyes I failed
Your angry silence when something didn’t go as you wanted it.
Getting rejected when I was vulnerable.Every time I tried so hard to conquer that place
hoping you would see ME.
It didn’t happen
You were so overwhelmed by your own pain.
I feel an emptiness in my foundation, my base.
It is where I would have loved to feel your unconditional support
Just for who I am
not for what I could or couldn’t do.
Little by little I heal the pain and fill the emptiness with my own Light.
I know I can do that.
But today I feel tears, the deep loss, the deep loneliness
Lost in a world filled with expectations
For a moment I do not know what my place is.
Then the emptiness in my base feels like a deep hole
instead of an open space where I can rise up in myself.
Then the little girl steps forward and says:
Daddy, where are you?
Hold my hand
When you hold my hand I do dare to step into the world.
Let me feel you’re proud of me.
For no reason……
I know, that time has long gone.
She is waiting for my hand, for my Love.
not to stumble over her anymore
but to sit next to her
To see her Light and her Love
to step into this world
without the need to know
without the need to be someone
or to reach certain goals.
But to step into this world
and see people for who they really ARE